Thursday 1 December 2011

Sleeping..

Sleep is something some people take for granted. I think even as a kid I struggled to sleep. I'd get anxious when I had school in the morning. I'd watch the hours go past on my alarm clock, getting more and more panicky as the hours went by. All I would think of was how tired I was going to be when it was time to wake up, I guess that anxiety made falling asleep even more difficult! 

My insomnia got a lot worse as I became ill though. I very rarely sleep now before 4-5am, sometimes even later. It infuriates me! Then I have kids to get up for school. I try not to sleep once they go to school, but I actually feel like topping myself when the alarm goes off! I try not to sleep, mistakenly thinking it means I'll be so tired by that evening that I'll sleep. Nope...All that happens is by 4pm I'm falling asleep, then by 11pm I'm wide awake again. Arrgghh! People who don't suffer with insomnia have no idea how debilitating it is. I've been given medications that in theory should help me sleep but again..nope! I've had high doses of Amitryptiline (for pain) which in theory should knock a horse to sleep, in hospital they've gave me Temazepam, nothing works. Originally when I got sick, the anti emetics I took for sickness would wipe me out, but usually at the wrong times. My body is so used to them now it doesn't happen.  

I envy people who can fall asleep easily. My husband is one of those..without a word of a lie, he was sitting in the bathroom while I showered tonight, I was busy chattering away to him, when he went quiet, and yep..he'd fell asleep!! In a bathroom! What the hell? He's the type who lies in bed, and is asleep within 2 minutes and snoring within 3! So I spend my whole night lying digging him in his snorey pants ribs! This is how he inherited the nickname from me - Noddydog! It does my head in. I often wonder how much of my general feeling unwell is down to lack of proper sleep. I'm pretty used to not having great sleep, it's been broken for the past 8 years due to my sons health condition. I was able to sometimes fall asleep inbetween his bad spells, not now though. Which tends to make them harder to deal with when I have finally fell asleep.

It's 1.43am now..so relatively early for me. How I'd love to just switch the laptop off and go to sleep. The reality is, I'll just sit staring at the dark ceiling, listening to the chorus of snores surrounding me!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

2 comments:

  1. I know how ya feel, to a point.
    I have picked up a problem with sleeping lately. Its an awful thing to go through. Even though my issues sleeping have only been in the last month consistently, I had bouts with it when I was younger. But when I was younger my lack of sleep whether it be by choice (partying) or not, I could always bounce back and do what was need the next day with no problem.
    This crap now is completely draining. I don't even feel like the same person.

    I hope you can eventually find something that works, some peaceful state of mind to drift into. Personally I am trying everything I can before taking medication for it. I am sick of pills. Take care.

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  2. It is really hard and especially if you're not used to it. I've been doing it so long I think I'm used to it, but it can't be easy when you have to try and work next day.

    Hope you find something to help xx

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